


But I Love You

by MrsLovettMalfoy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Reader is kind of a jerk for a bit, This is definitely a vent fic on my end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:07:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28282911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsLovettMalfoy/pseuds/MrsLovettMalfoy
Summary: You can't take how much you and Rowena are fighting anymore. So you make the decision to leave and live with your brothers.
Relationships: Rowena MacLeod & You, Rowena MacLeod/Original Character(s), Rowena MacLeod/Original Female Character(s), Rowena MacLeod/You, Rowena Macleod/Female Reader
Kudos: 13





	But I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> Reader is kind of an ass hole in this but I wrote this at a time when my mental illness was kicking my ass so it was mostly to vent. It ends on a high note though I swear. I’m sorry if Rowena is so OOC in this, I had never written sad Rowena and I don’t think I am very good at it. As I said, this was more of a vent piece for me. This fic was written about two years ago and posted on an old Tumblr blog so if it looks familiar its because I am reposting it from my old Tumblr blog!

“Don’t leave…please?” Rowena asked softly, tears in her eyes. You were messily stuffing clothes into a duffle bag without bothering to fold them, shirts and pants mixed in among guns and knives. You couldn’t care any less about the neatness of your packing, not on a night like this, a night when everything had fallen to shit. You had been fighting for weeks, her always angry that you were hunting and you angry for how reckless she was being with her magic. You were both too stupid to realize you were angry because you cared about the safety of the other, but instead you both retreated to a place where words were thrown and threats were tossed around as if they meant nothing.

“What do you want from me, Rowena? It won’t get any better, you know that! For weeks all I have heard was how much you hate when I go hunting and how much you hate my brothers. Don’t you think I know that you hate them? They aren’t exactly fond of you!” you screamed, looking up at her with red rimmed eyes. “How do you think it makes me feel when my girlfriend can’t stand the only family I have left? And when they hate her in return? And don’t even get me started on Cas and Crowley!” you shouted angrily.

“What the hell does my son have to do with my affairs?” she demanded, her own anger rising up.

“Everything, Rowena, everything! Do you know what its like to be the hunter, the Winchester, who is sleeping with the mother of The King of Hell? Do you know what that does to me? It puts a target on my back! There is already a big enough target on my back considering who I am and who my brothers are but dating you only makes it worse!” you screamed, zipping up your bag and no longer looking at her.

“Then why the hell have you stayed as long as you have?” she demanded angrily. You could tell she was frustrated and upset, but you were so consumed by your own anger you were having trouble caring about hers.

“Because I loved you!” you shouted, slamming your hands down onto your bag and looking up at her again. “I stayed because I loved you, because even if I lost my brothers and Cas and every hunter friend I had I didn’t care! Because I loved you! But look where that love got me! Sharing a bed with someone who denies part of who I am on a daily basis! When you hate the hunter in me, you hate me! This is who I am Rowena, saving people and hunting monsters is what I do! And you’re damn lucky you had me to protect you all this time or my brothers would have put a bullet in your head years ago! And maybe I should have let them!” you screamed, tears streaming down your face.

It was too late now though, you knew it was too late, there was no taking it back. You knew you had gone much too far, you never should have said something like that to her, something that hateful and cruel. But you had let your anger get the best of you and you weren’t thinking. You swallowed thickly as you watched her lips part in shock, her bottom lip started to tremble. “Rowena…” you started, your hands starting to relax, more out of defeat that anything.

“Don’t!” she shouted, putting her hand up to stop you from both talking and coming any closer. Tears were rolling down her cheeks as she shook her head. “Don’t…you…dare,” she said, turning and walking out of the room. You sighed and shook your head, you couldn’t lose her like this, even if you did deserve it; and by Chuck you deserved to lose her after what you said. 

You followed her out of the room and out into the hallway, pushing her against the wall. “Get the hell off of me!” she screamed angrily, trying her best to push you away. It was no real use though, physically you were much stronger than she was. “You wanted to leave so much, then leave! Leave and don’t you ever come back!” she screamed, trying to break away but you had put your hands on her shoulders to keep her in place and make her look at you.

“Not until you listen to me,” you said calmly. She growled angrily but you pressed your body to hers so she couldn’t move as she stared at you in anger. “I am so, so, sorry,” you whispered, your cheeks wet from tears. “I never, ever, should have said something that horrible to you. I didn’t mean it. I just…” you swallowed thickly as she tried to push you off again. “It hurts to love someone who can’t stand what makes you who you are,” you said, her body suddenly stilling. “I love you, more than I ever loved any girl before you. But I…hunting is the only thing I have ever been good at,” you defended.

You slowly let go of her shoulders and stepped back, sniffling softly “I love you, more than anything. But I can’t change for you, I won’t,” you said, walking back into the bedroom. You grabbed your bag off of the bed and passed her as you headed to the door.

“Y/N…Y/N, wait!” she shouted, chasing you down the hall and catching you only as you were unlocking the front door. “No, no this isn’t supposed to happen,” she said, shaking her head. “Why can’t this be like all our other fights? We scream and we say things we don’t mean until the real reason we are upset comes to the surface and then…” she trailed off because she was having trouble catching her breath as she watched you stand there about to leave her. “And then you pick me up in your arms and take me to bed. And I promise not to lose my temper again even though we both know that isn’t true,” she said, a breathy laugh leaving her lips, your own tilting up sadly.

“Because this isn’t like our other fights,” you said, turning to look at her.

“But it can be! You can still pick me up and take me to bed, you can still tell me you love me no matter how stubborn and annoying I am. Y-You can still make love to me and make me feel alive…” she said, her words getting softer and softer as she spoke.

“It’s too late, Rowena,” you said, turning your back to her and opening the door.

“But…but I love you…” she whispered, though it was loud enough for you to hear. The tone in her voice sounded as if those words were supposed to be obvious, as if they were supposed to fix everything. As if you couldn’t leave because of her love.

You froze as you registered her words, the door half open and your grip on your bag suddenly loose. The heavy bag slipped from your fingers and landed on the ground with a thud and you turned to look at her. She had never said that before. “You…you what?” you asked, your voice not quite all there.

Rowena shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other as she looked down at her hands so she didn’t have to look at you “I love you, you stupid girl,” she said, tears falling off her trembling chin and landing on her hands. “I love the way it feels when you touch me, like I belong to you but in a way that doesn’t make me feel like an object. I love the way that you laugh, especially when its at your own crappy jokes that no one thinks are funny but you,” she said, softly laughing again, though ended up sniffling. “I love that you smile differently when you are smiling for me, like…like it’s a secret smile just for me. I love the fact that you hold me just as tight in your sleep as you do when you’re awake, I love that you always put my pleasure before yours, I love that you care if I’m safe or not. I love your scars and your freckles, the smell of your shampoo and the way your lips taste. I love you…more than any mortal woman could ever love you,” she said, her tone almost pleading for you to believe her.

You always sort of believed that your relationship was a game to her, that you always loved her more than she loved you, or that maybe she didn’t love you at all. But hearing that, hearing her be willing to sound vulnerable and human, it broke your heart. You stared at her for a long time before kicking the door shut behind you, walking over to her and wasting no time in grabbing her face and crashing your lips against hers. She gasped, then a sound almost like a whimper left her before she kissed you deeply in return. She clutched at the fabric of your shirt as if trying to pull you closer to her, though you weren’t sure you could get any closer.

You broke the kiss to reach down and put one arm behind her legs, the other behind her back as you scooped her up bridal style in your arms. “What are you doin’?” she asked, searching your gaze, most likely disappointed that the kiss had ended.

“I’m taking you to bed, because I love you, no matter how stubborn and annoying you are,” you said, echoing her words from earlier. A breathy laugh escaped her lips as she smiled at you, arms wrapping around your neck as you carried her to your bedroom.

“You’re not going to leave?” she asked gently, looking up at you as you laid her down on the bed.

You shook your head, laying over her and kissing her softly “No, and I was wrong to want to,” you said, brushing your nose on hers. She sighed, gratefully, closing her eyes and wrapping her arms around your neck. “I’m staying right here, where I belong,” you added.

She smiled and slowly opened her eyes, looking up into yours “I don’t care if you go hunting,” she whispered. “As long as you come back to me,” she said.

“Always,” you promised, your forehead resting on hers as your heart beats both calmed and your bodies relaxed. “Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys liked this fic! It was my first ever try at really doing angsty reader insert and angsty Rowena.


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